Recovery From Destruction

i have always been very attached to people when they enter my life i love the people in my life each and ever single way but i have not been the same since about four years ago and i just wanted to give you guys a kind of a baground of what i have been dealing with personally for four years now.

I started high school august of 2006 and met a girl named crystal. Crystal is a girl like no other to me. When We became friends i had no idea on how much of an impact she would have on me. She and i would vent and vent about the problems of our day and about what was bothering us. she would come to my house on her breaks from work and she became one of the best people in my life. she was one of the first people i came out to and she protected me through more than i wanna say on this post. she was no doubt one of my best friends.

Then i came to school one morning and we were waiting for her and she never showed up. she recently found out she was going to have a baby and i thought she was just sick. come to find out this girl that had made such an impact in my life had died in a car wreck. i thought my world was over. just a few days later i began having the episodes where everything seemed to be closing in around me and i began to lose all hope and happiness. i have no been living with anxiety attacks four over four years now and they come in spurts some bad some not so intense but i have learned to deal. i have battled anxiety and have learned that just like life you cannot control the attacks but when they happen you have to know how to handel them so you dont let them get outta hand. i will always miss my friend crystal but i think its time to move on which is why i am blogging this right now. i ahve signed up for therapy august 9th and will begin to take the step in controlling my anxiety and giving my self a better life.  so say a prayer and wish me luck. i love you guys and girls so remember to keep your chin up eyes forward and your heels always planted to the ground :)